Thank you for all your comments on the different  issues we have raised on our Mind The Gap X story series. Sadly, these are all real-life issues and they have become very rampant today. I will reply to the stories about sexual prowess and being able to identify if  your spouse is gay – please keep the comments coming, there are lessons to be learned from them.

Like the old saying “a stitch in time, saves nine”, there are certain steps you can take that will guide you against some of these things before you get married. For people who are already married, there are a few things to take home from here too. 

The  following 13 steps are very important to guide against making a mistake in these regards.

1) Have a relationship with God and trust His Spirit to guide you and order your steps

2) Don’t be desperate for a relationship or marriage

3) Know thyself and be ready for marriage. Don’t marry for the wrong reasons. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured into surrender. Ask yourself: why do I want to marry? why do I really want to marry this person? Why do I want to marry now?

4) Make sure you open your eyes and you’re aware about your spouse’s past, habits, friends, interests, style, the things he watches on TV and reads about, the things that excite him/her, his/her tendencies and mannerisms. If s(he) is hiding something, you will spot it with time.


5) Do your thorough investigations. Be truthful with yourself and involve your friends/family (Encourage them to tell you the truth always no matter what).

6) Avoid sex before marriage but watch out for whether your spouse has sexual desires s/he’s struggling with, whether s/he makes any advances towards you and how often, whether his/her friends are pro wo/men, listen in and join their conversations – be one of the girls/boys. Has s/he ever had a hard on when you hug, pet and kiss-how often? Ladies, from a tight warm prolonged hug you can gauge his size and preferences.

7) If you see any danger signs don’t deceive yourself, break it off. Have the difficult conversations, tackle the issue head on until you’re clear and it’s resolved

8) Know what your needs and preferences are and don’t compromise on them, talk about these until both parties commit to meeting these needs. Identify and talk about the boundaries and no go areas also.

9) Settle it in your heart that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage; you’re better off breaking up while dating, but ensure you don’t compromise.

10) Talk about sex and get sex education

11) Involve a life coach, therapist, psychologist and counselor while you’re dating to help guide you

12) Don’t rush into marriage take your time to be friends and then to date and then to court (After All you’re going to be there forever – why rush)

13) Attend Mind the GAP X (The School of Family, Marriage and Relationships)  – email for enquiries and registration.

Don’t forget to share your stories with me, I look forward to receiving feedback from you. Keep following the series here and on my social media pages as we share more on rebuilding homes, marriages and relationships.


The Catalyst, Lanre Olusola